No relationship is crisis-proof. In fact relationships form on the basis of dynamics of personalities. This could be in the form of teacher-student, husband-wife, teenager parent relations or the ones we form in our work environment. Damage and break- ups are as imperative to relations as mud is to dust or rain to clouds. One exists because of the other. No one can ever truly say that they have never faced the rough and tumble of relations going sour.
Relations are a work of patience, care, sharing and trust that takes time to renew and replenish. The interest and the vibes that brought the two individuals together has to take its time and logical route to its destination. With the spawning of social networking, busy work schedules, grueling financial constraints and stressed that one never faced a decade or two back, relationships have lost their permanence and stability. One can not deny that broken families and children struggling with its aftermath has led to a more diffused effect on our entire social pattern. The reality of broken relationships is not only heart wrenching but its cumulative effect on society leaves many of us grappling with serious issues of deviance and delinquency. Somewhere its spawning greater relationship insecurity.
The Snapping Point
The only thing one feels when relations break is intense pain and hurt. Sometimes the intensity drives many to drastic actions. Apart from feeling lonely and rejected it may end up in making you angry not just with the other but your own self. So blinding are the feelings that one abuses oneself with wrong notions or shift the blame in every possible wrong direction little realizing that wherever the blame may lie, it does little to assuage the pain or help repair the damage.
Dimensions Of A Break-up
Foremost to build a certain objectivity into this awfully emotional and trying moment one must detach oneself from the situation and try and fathom out if the relation brought more pain, stress, anxiety, humility or intense joy, pride, elation and moments of excitement and fun that go beyond the hatred. It’s in this balance that lies the answer to your first step. No messiah, self-help book or guru can answer this question for you. It’s in the emotional quotient and the baggage of the past experiences that you carry would you find your answers. So, does it mean that it’s only the past that decides whether the relation is worth saving?
Well, not quite so. Your investment of time, love, attention and your identity sometimes are attached to the relations you form. To break yourself off completely is not only the most painful but almost impossible. Here lies your motivation to repair the damage and stem the leak. If fixing a relation is all about toil, drudgery ,effort, sweat, slavery, one sided commitments and only promises from you, it would be like investing in the wrong funds once again. Soon you are going to be emotionally bankrupt. There can never be a better barometer than your heart. If you feel the joy, calmness, safety, strength and passion for keeping the relationship alive-its worth a fight.
Reconstruction and Repair
The redefinition of a relationship in correct terms, in right circumstances and without pressure or delusion is a must if the rot has to be removed. Every crisis is survivable if the enemy is known. It’s important that we take a closer look at what we could do to keep a relationship regain its vitality and legitimacy.
Communicate and Ventilate
Silence often loaded and heavy on the heart can only lead you in one direction-despair and a very lonely future. So terrible is the blocking of communication that soon even a phone call seems impossible. The beauty of a fine relation lies in keeping the channels of communication open. A simple nod, a little acknowledgement, a phone call, these can slowly lead you back to opening up more. It’s in taking that first step by overcoming your ego that the ice can be broken. The first few words could be angry, maybe even a blaming match or an argument. But, the very fact that you shattered the wall of dense and terrifying silence will keep the pulse alive.
Give It Time
We never form relations instantly. It takes a deep commitment and investment of love and respect . When such equations fail, it needs perhaps more time to summarize objectify, and then start a restoration process. Without working with a clear head we end up playing the same blame game or become overly judgmental. Stepping back, breathing more freely away from the clasp of intense emotions often allows a better perspective.
Get Your House In Order
Relationships thrive on interdependence. Who doesn’t like to be cuddled or pampered? But don’t make that the foundation. Convenience is the most unholy truth that all must escape while forming relationships. When you try to rebuild remember not to do it for the comfort but for reasons like respect for the other, a willing acceptance for what he or she is and try not to fool yourself into believing something that doesn’t exist. This can only happen if you respect, love and strengthen yourself enough not to be identified by a relationship but by the person that you are. Weak people from weak relations that are mostly delusional and make-believe. The stupor won’t last for ever.
If you consider your relations your only definition as a person you would like the break up to be a secret. The point really is to get over the self-imposed stigma. A relationship cannot and mustn’t be fixed under any duress. Discuss it with someone you care for or who shares your life. You may get a fresh new perspective and break the bogey of your unwarranted negativity. Let your community help you get over a tough time.
Learn To Listen To The Right Voices
So, you did open up to your broken relationship and in comes a spate of advice and suggestions, some of which are rather mechanical and of little significance. Sieve the right ones however difficult that might be. Our mind is filled with voices from the exterior to such an extent that it drowns our very own. Practice introspection. It calms you, makes you analyse each word and each action in its context which may have escaped you earlier. Never rush into a new complexity because of someone’s defective advice.
Set Aside Your Pride
Complete honesty in accepting an inappropriate behavior or action would set many records straight. The fundamental of relationships lie in the negation of pride and elevation of honesty and trust. Look at the discord more closely and look for moments where you contributed to it. Try and look at both sides of the conflict to be able to clear the air and rebuild.
Saving a relationship has been possible many a times because of the awesome power of human love and the ability of forgiveness. Despite the rough and tumble that all relations go through, it’s the innate sense of togetherness and the strength that we derive from each other that prompts us to save a relationship. Growing roots of love and respect, reciprocity and responsibility, honesty and acceptance, without condition can help a relationship survive and revive.