It’s all about being irresistibly attractive! Yes, to a large extent our self-esteem emanates from our ability to make ourselves attractive first to ourselves and then to everyone around. It’s in finding your niche and giving your energies the true outlet, so as to be attractive inside out. A. J. Cronin very rightly said ,”life is not an easy path which we travel free and unhampered but through which we seek our way, sometimes lost and confused and sometimes caught in a blind alley. It’s the door we open ourselves that will see us find the ray of hope”. An individual’s assessment of one’s worth is usually through the eyes of the world and makes up his self-esteem.
Sadly more of an external process, we give in therefore, if we externalize the filling in of this all important report card of our very being, to people who understand us superficially, would open ourselves up to hurt and disappointment. Along the bumpy road of life sensory experiences and social conditioning take away our deeper understanding of who and what we really are. Ending up sad depressed, feeling worthless and dehumanizing ourselves day after day, deficient in self-esteem that can send our mind into rigor mortis . So, is there any help out there? Will self-help books with their loads of wisdom of past and present give us answers to prepping us up to face the world as we truly are? Here are the twenty things that you can do to build your self- esteem.
1. Keep The Focus On Yourself- No, it’s not being selfish. Do understand that if you have to learn to love yourself, love your mirror image. As much as you may appreciate someone else’s look, find what could make you tick. Groom yourself , make your mirror image so attractive that you love yourself more. It’s not about the compliments that follow naturally, but about knowing that you owe it to yourself.
2. Be Around Happy People- It will eventually rub off you and boost your positive energy as well. Not only is laughter hugely infectious but also good for an adrenaline rush on a low performance day. It isn’t without some reason that laughter therapy is gaining so much ground as an alternative treatment for many a malaise!
3. List Out Your Positive Points– Of course, many negatives will popup like unwanted cookies on your PC monitor; delete them and move on . Write down about your voice, or how you are around children, maybe your typing speed or handwriting. There is such pleasure in this exercise that you will be exhilarated.
4. Smile – Yes, it’s difficult on certain days but if you understand that it is the easiest gift that you can give to others and to yourself you’ll do it more often and more easily. Smiling through your worries leaves you feeling that nothing can dampen your spirit. Learn to see the bright side of things and let go of the pain. Your self-esteem is damaged more by your inability to get over your troubles and failures and what better salve than a smile.
5. Socialize More– Be the one to break the ice. Take that step to overcome your inhibition. You’ve nothing to lose but the chains of silence. Make small talk and you ‘ll see more people like you around waiting for someone to break the ice!
6. Be assertive – Self-esteem goes to new lows when you are on the receiving end of the flack. Speak your mind, explain in crisp language what your troubles may have been and why you underperformed. Keeping a sullen silence can get you nowhere. Channels of communication must be kept open and you must be apart of it. No one can work or live in a vacuum filled with wordless distress.
7. Exercise and Eat healthy – Get into shape and love the body you are in . Enroll in a diet programme and have a jogging mate. Your sense of well-being will make you glow inside out.
8. Think Positive– Negative thoughts like bugs have to be exterminated. It’s a conscious effort on your part to systematically turn negative thoughts to positive. Do acknowledge your real fears but do not give into them : monitor your thoughts and be open to possibilities.
9. Keep A Vigil On Self-Talk– So many of us have talked ourselves out of opportunities and what could have been greatly rewarding experiences because we talked ourselves out of it. Remember thoughts are a self-fulfilling prophecy. Instead of saying “No one will hire me at my age” say instead,” they would be lucky to get me with all my experience and wisdom”.
10. Stand Tall-The right body posture sends the right signals around. Keep your muscles relaxed and open your body into a friendly stance. Feel a lift on the top of your spine and be connected to everyone around. Self-esteem has a lot to do with what we do with our inner and outer selves. Don’t let your worries trample all over your moral.
11. Nothing Succeeds Like Success– So true! It’s in accomplishment through tireless labor that you feel good about yourself. ”Inaction builds doubt and fear while action builds confidence and courage” said Dale Carnegie. Don’t make any task seem too big or too tough by overstressing yourself. The only way you can get it done is by believing you can get it done!
12. Face Your Fears– Humans judge everything around through patterns. We look for an easy interpretation of very situation through the data we have built-in. We’ve generally lost the battle even before fighting it. It makes more sense to go headlong into a situation. Soon with the experience we desensitize ourselves from the fear of taking risk and the fear of failure. That is perhaps what makes for a bold and fearless personality who is charged with self-esteem and self-confidence.
13. Prepare For The Task Ahead– Do so, but don’t get stuck in the preparation alone. If it turns out to be a debacle, move on and feel happy for the challenge you experienced. Preparation boosts your desire and the chance of success and makes you see more objectively why you failed. It’s not self-wallowing but real and true assessment .
14. Take Care Of Your Relationships– Focus on your core values and search for what makes you the happiest shop for a friend, meet up with your folks, get a pet home.There is no greater salve for your self-esteem than knowing that you are blessed to have people who love you.
15. Letting Go– Relations that bind you and drain you off your energies need to be let off your area of contact . However difficult it may be, relationships gone sour are anything but good for your self-image.
16. Embracing Failure As A Part of Growth– Whether in relationships or work, failure is a corollary of life and not its antithesis. Failures are an indicator of the fact you tried. At the same time detachment from what others feel of your failure is equally vital. In fact don’t feel humiliated, it’s necessary to accept it in your stride, step out and seek help. Now that takes courage. Not many of us are ready to look at ourselves in the mirror and say with all honesty what we are really looking at!
17. Ten Seconds of Boldness Twice A Day– Have the courage to do two bold things that you would think twice before doing. Pick up the phone and call the friend with whom relations soured. Ask for that raise you so badly want. Get out of your comfort zone and see what this bold new you can do for your self-esteem with one single step!
18. Stay Focused On The Present Moment– Though difficult, you need to let the ghosts of the past rest and grab every moment of happiness you can find right now.
19. Stop Comparing– We do it all the time. Life’s not all about the grass on the other side of the fence. Stop the comparison blues immediately. Think of yourself as unique with special talents and gifts.
20. Set Smaller Goals and Re-define Your Success– Find your niche and do not get confused by yardsticks of others. Play your own game and by your own rules.
Clearing your mental closet by dropping unnecessary clutter of expectations, failure and judgmental attitude, we would do a world of good for our self-esteem. It’s in the choices we are making every second of our lives that gives us immense control over it. Learning to interpret the result of these choices gives us the deepest joy and the confidence to be free of the shackles of negativity.