First of all, let us elaborate the definition of a “win-win situation”. The term refers to a situation by which compromise, cooperation, or a participation in a group activity benefits all the people involved. The phrase may be used to several aspects of everyday life – in business, organization, or even in a personal relationship. In this situation, there is no loser nor winner as both parties will have their fair share of success.
In order to create a win-win situation, one must consider the following tips:
1. GIVE UP THE “I-WANT-MORE-THAN-YOU” ATTITUDE.
In this manner, the person is more likely to achieve more positive results than when he worked selfishly and created a win-lose situation.
2. TALK ABOUT YOUR THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS, INSTEAD OF ACTING THEM OUT.
Most people tend to act their emotions first without expressing or acknowledging them. They argue, get angry, hold in stressful emotions through denial, avoidance, or restless moving from one place to another. Every time we experience pain, we tend to go out, party all night, or drink to forget. Some also refuse to connect with friends and family when they get angry or frustrated, without trying to work things out or learning from their mistakes. Unfortunately, these habits that we acquired since childhood will not do you any good. And worse, might ruin your relationship with people who matter deeply to you.
At times when you cannot fully control yourself and get a hold of your emotions, acting them out is not the best thing to do since you will only let it overpower you, instead of you holding power over it. Acting out prohibits us in making a choice, in improving ourselves, and in being the best that we can be.
The best way to avoid acting out is by initiating a “dialogue”. This powerful tool has been used by many families and has been stated as “the love in action”. Dialogue has been proven to create a positive solution, prevent power-struggle, better understanding, and cooperation.
THREE STAGES OF DIALOGUE
* MIRRORING – This stage involves two people doing a reflection of what the receiver get from the sender. The purpose of this is to let the sender know that the receiver can put his emotions aside, listen, and understand the sender’s own perspective.
* VALIDATING – This stage includes acknowledgement of what the sender says. However, it does not necessarily mean that it should be agreed upon by the receiver. Validating is done in order to make the receiver understand the sender by putting himself in his shoes and by respecting his way of looking at things. In this manner, the sender will feel safe and will share his thoughts and emotions freely. Sharing and safety will not only generate relaxation, but also a feeling of closeness and win-win.
* EMPATHIZING – This involves the recognition of the sender’s emotions and point of view. The main purpose of this is to genuinely meet the minds and hearts of both parties involved, which in return would heal and transform them both.
3. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OF YOUR ACTIONS INSTEAD OF BLAMING OTHERS.
Oftentimes, we tend to be upset when someone (either a family member or a partner) tells or does something wrong intensely. This is more likely to trigger the issues you have had in the past. When this happens, the best thing to do is to identify its intensity and use it as a wake-up call. Identify the factors that made you upset, your triggers, and what reminds of the issue at hand by recollecting from your past. Learn how to live away from your past then acknowledge the fact that something on the present triggered you to be upset.
If you are more angry than hurt, then you should know that what lies underneath anger is pain. And pain, most of the time, is about not getting what you need most. If needs are not met or denied, then chances are, our well-being is disturbed.
Acknowledgement of the wounds from the past will help you avoid blaming others, as it should not always be connected with the present. And, it is not always that the people you have had issues with now caused you to be upset in the past.
Discuss your past issues with your family members or your partner. Seek advises from them as they might know what you need to be able to fulfill the unfinished business and to create a free and brand-new you.
4. NEVER TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY.
Usually, we take things personally because we are locked in our ego, we dwell in the scars of our childhood, or we buy the projections of our environment. Children have the tendency of blaming themselves for the actions of the people around them, most specifically, their parents.
The key to avoiding this is to free ourselves from our ego and pain of the past and be aware of those projections. Letting go means telling yourself that you are not a child anymore, you have survived already, and things can only get better and not worst. Do not allow yourself to react too much on the criticisms of your partner or family member. In this manner, you won’t have to deal with unnecessary distress and you will be more calm and positive in perceiving things.
5. DO NOT MAKE ASSUMPTIONS.
Expectations and assumptions will only waste your time and energy as they will only generate pointless confusion and disappointment. Keep in mind that we should not really expect and assume. Instead, we should focus on enhancing everything that we have on the present – particularly our relationship with co-workers, family, and friends.
Do not forget communication and consult your assumptions with them. Be open, honest, and clear in discussing them. Ask questions and explanations, and be very vocal with your needs, wishes, and expectations. Listen carefully to what your partner or family member has to say. Investigate and weigh out everything that they tell you.
Failure to do so will prevent you from sharing, learning, or satisfaction. Instead, it will only result to endless repetition. Talk everything out to a deeper level. Doing this often in collaboration with important people around will give you a better, freeing, and happy feeling that you can share with each other. Therefore, it will be a win-win situation for everyone.